Standing Up

Last Thursday . . .

This morning I had an experience that just won't stop nagging me. I was minding my own business at the far end of the gym, willing myself through an early-morning exercise routine on the elliptical when I couldn't help but overhear a conversation seven machines away.

Yes, seven.

I've learned some people go to the gym to exercise; some go to pretend to exercise (I'm afraid I fall into this category at times), and some go simply to socialize. There is a woman there nearly every day who most definitely goes for reason number three. Oh, she gets her steps in every day, but boy, can she can talk up a storm, I tell you. She hops on an elliptical and just starts chatting away and doesn't stop until her friends' machines do. Then, she often hops off, walks a few yards down and jumps on another one so she can start a new conversation with a new friend. I'm not sure how long she actually stays at the gym, but she's definitely got me beat!

I often smile inside as I listen to her banter. She talks about everything from how she broke her toe and can only wear two pairs of shoes for the next two weeks to politics to what realtor she prefers and why. She can talk on any topic on any given day, and boy does she have a definitive opinion on all of them! At first I was annoyed at her constant chitter chatter, but I guess I've come to accept it as part of my gym experience and I find I tend to miss it if by chance she isn't there one day:).

That is, until today.

I wasn't paying much attention to what she was saying until I heard the word "Mormon" come spewing out of her mouth like a cuss word. I couldn't help but tune in but immediately wished I hadn't when I heard her continue a long monologue about how awful Mormons are and how terrible the Mormon religion is, spitting out long train of negative words and opinions.

Immediately my heart began to race and my face felt flushed. I felt like crying right then and there. I know how silly that sounds, but the things she said were so offensive to me, and it hurt that she would rant and rave about a religion she obviously knew nothing about, a religion that from the depths of my heart and soul I know to be good and true. This woman's scornful feelings towards Mormons was obvious, and it wasn't hard to understand why as I heard her rant about what she appeared to believe was true about them and their religion. The problem was that she was wrong. She had tiny pieces of fact that had been terribly skewed and misrepresented to her in ways that completely changed the truth of what Mormons believe and what their principles stand for.

I was so angry for a moment. And then hurt. And then a whole new range of emotions flooded through me as I wondered what to do about the situation. The man she was ranting to was soaking it all up like it was the definite truth, as unbelievable as it was, and there were others working out all around her that I knew could obviously hear her if I could hear seven machines away. I began to feel a responsibility to set things straight, to stand up for what was right. And at first it was about me and my religion. But it immediately became about the Savior instead. I realized I could walk away and get over it. But it pained me deeply that this woman was scorning sacred things, that she was leading people to believe that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, followers of Jesus Christ, because that's what Mormons are, would really believe and do the things she was claiming we believe and do. That not only reflected badly on us as followers of Christ, but to me, it directly offended Him as well because we honestly try to follow Him and do the things He directs us to do. Of course we are not perfect at it. And of course there are Mormons who are not good at living their religion and who are not good people at all. But that is not because the religion isn't pure and true; it's simply because people are human and don't always live what they are taught.

I wanted so badly to say something--to do something! But I didn't trust myself. I knew if I went over to her, I would need to be Christlike, just as we are taught to be. I knew I would only prove Mormons aren't true followers of Christ if I stomped over to her and rudely set her straight. I would have to be kind and humble, and it was hard to feel that way in that moment. I offered a silent prayer for help. I took a deep breath. . . and that's when I realized they had moved on to a different topic.

Part of me was relieved and part of me was very disappointed. Mostly in myself. I couldn't help but think of my children and how many times they have been faced with similar situations. I always encourage them to kindly stand up for the truth. Yet I didn't do that. And then I thought of the Church's "Light the World" (www.mormon.org) mandate going on right now throughout the whole world during this Christmastime, a charge to do something every day to be a light to others, to shine Christ's light to the world in some small way. And I wished all over that I would have had the courage and humility and faith in an instant to kindly walk over to this woman and say something like, "I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I happened to overhear your conversation about Mormons. I'm sure you have no ill intentions, but I've learned it can be easy to get misinformation about other religions and I'm afraid that has been the case here. I happen to know that most of what you have said about Mormons is not accurate. I would be happy to help you understand the truth about the topics you have been discussing if you are interested, but if not, I would simply ask that you be more careful in what you share about another's religious beliefs. After all, I don't know you, but I'm guessing you probably would not want me telling someone else nasty rumors I had heard about your religion without verifying what is really truth. I hope I haven't offended you in any way. But as a follower of Jesus Christ and a Mormon myself, I would hate for you to really believe and pass on the things you were saying. I hope you understand."

The question is, would it have made a difference? Would her heart have been softened or would it only have fueled her fire? I do not know the answer because I kept silent. And I can't help but keep thinking that silence often means agreement, and that just haunts me. I really don't care about being right. I don't care about setting her straight. In fact, I honestly don't want to make her feel bad. I genuinely want to help her gain a better understanding so that maybe the next time she hears the word Mormon, instead of thinking of awful people who believe everyone who doesn't do things their way will be, as she put it, "damned to hell," she will pause to remember they might be people who are trying hard to follow Jesus Christ and His teachings.

And maybe--hopefully--the next time I hear someone misrepresenting the sacred beliefs of someone else, even if they aren't my own, I will be more prepared to add some light to the world by kindly standing up offering an invitation to learn the truth first.

Senior Volleyball

We sure love volleyball at this house, I tell you. It must have started with a mother who had a long love of the sport, but it didn't take long to spread to the first daughter. This mother took her along to volleyball camps she coached here and there when she was just a tiny thing, and that little girl began bumping volleyballs almost as soon as she could run.

Hallee is 3 years old in this picture. I love it!

By the time this girl was 10, she was ready to start playing competitively, and so her mom became the coach of a 12-u club team, and thus began the beginning of years of hard work, dedication, sacrifice; oh yes, I'm talking blood, sweat and tears. Literally.

The thing is, when you decide you love a sport and that you want to be really good at that sport, you can't just do it half-way. You can't simply be satisfied with mediocracy. You have to give it your best shot. You have to focus, fully engage, and leave it out on the court. Here are a few examples of what I mean. These are some pics I took of Hallee right before the State Volleyball tournament last week. Most of these are weeks old and have had tim to heal. Her body is so beat up, one of her school teachers started worrying about her family life:).

Truthfully, these battle scars don't even begin to tell the story of all this girl has given to this game. The thousands of hours practicing, the extra time at home setting against a wall, the private lessons to improve her weakest part of the game, the numerous camps summer after summer, the endless club tournaments--some throughout the country. After all, we live in an ultra-competitive world, and to be great at something--to even be good enough to be one of the few on the court--you have to put in the work, and Hallee has always been willing to do that. I have admired her determination and focus. And oh, how I have loved watching her play volleyball!

Still, over the years, something inside wondered if we were making the best choices. There were club seasons when Hallee missed months of Young Women activities due to her practice schedule. This was uncomfortable to me. I was grateful she did not practice or play on Sundays, but still, I hated her missing those activities. Then the pressure came to play in out-of-state tournaments on Sundays. At first, she declined and refused to do so. But as she got older and she tried out for better and better teams, the clubs made it clear every athlete on the top teams was expected to play in those tournaments and to play every single day. Although it only happened once or twice a season, I cringed and so did she. Still, we conformed. Finally, when she chose to join a club that seemed to be her best option for leading her to a college scholarship, and this club began to pressure the girls into believing that volleyball should be the most important thing in their lives, we began to see that things were getting out of control. Volleyball was NOT the most important thing in our lives, and we were not willing to make it so. We began to realize we needed to take a stand, that we needed to stop conforming and make better choices, that we needed to have faith in God that things would work out if we put Him and His commandments first.

That's when we moved from Utah to Montana and were suddenly faced with a lot of opportunities to do exactly that. Every club tournament was played on Sunday. Hallee practiced but did not participate in the actual tournaments. For anyone who is involved with sports, you probably realize what a sacrifice this is. Practices are not fun; games are. But it didn't matter. We had a new outlook and were determined to do a better job on focusing on the things that really mattered. Hallee got to play one day, on a Saturday, of a two-day tournament. We made sure we were there to cheer her on!

Moving to a new school your junior year is not recommended for any athlete, and it was definitely a difficult transition for Hallee. She had just earned her spot as starting setter in a huge high school in Utah after working incredibly hard. We showed up the week of try-outs here and the girls on the team were not excited to see her. Neither was the coach. He had been coaching for 30 years and was not very open-minded about change. He had two setters and wasn't about to mix things up, or even give Hallee a chance to prove if she might be better than either of them. She ended up playing right-side hitter her first season here. It was painful. But this girl is a survivor. She is a fighter. She took those lemons she was given and made lemonade, I tell you. She became a really good hitter, and although her coach never allowed her to set, she never gave up hope.

I remember one night she came home so discouraged. We were both crying. Sometimes as a mom you just don't know what to say anymore. There are so many things we can't control. Finally I told her that maybe Heavenly Father had a different plan for her. I knew she had hoped for, planned for, and worked for a college volleyball scholarship her whole life, and it was looking so bleak since she was not being allowed to play the position she was really good at playing and that she was hoping to get a scholarship to play. I told her that God could see a bigger picture, that I knew He loved her more than she could even imagine, and that He would not let her down. We cried together and prayed together. Nothing changed that season.

The coach retired and with that came a renewed hope. The new coach loved Hallee as a setter and could not believe the former coach had not had her setting. Hallee immediately started working hard again during the club season. It was obvious she was a great setter! Maybe she would have her dreams come true after all. She spent the summer at one camp after another, contacted colleges again, and prayed and prayed for inspiration. Her new coach was willing to do everything she could to help her. She believed in her and saw her worth as a player. That's when everything changed.

Hallee and her new coach, Sue Dvorak

I will never forget when Hallee and I were sitting in our van out in front of our house and I asked her if she felt like she had any answers yet. School hadn't started yet, but high school volleyball had. I asked her if she had any promptings about where she was supposed to go, or if she was leaning toward one school or another. There was a long moment of quiet, and I looked at this beautiful daughter of mine and tears were streaming down her face. Now you must realize, Hallee is not a cryer. She has to be deeply touched or hurt very badly for tears to come, so I knew this was a defining moment. I knew something was coming. Both of us were emotional as she told me that she had received an answer, and that she would not be playing college volleyball. She would be going on a mission. My heart was so full I thought I would burst. My first thought was I knew the Lord had different plans for you! I knew you had better things to do! But then I have to admit there was a part of me that mourned the fact that all of the hard work this girl had put in to this sport would end very soon and would not end up helping her get her education like all of us had hoped. I would miss watching her play so much! I realized I had better soak up this senior volleyball season like nothing else!

And so we did. We traveled all over Montana watching Hallee play, and we loved every minute of it. This girl can play volleyball, I tell you! Her team is so much better when she is on the court. It was not been a perfect season for her. She had to share playing time with two other setters, but she did so with perfect grace. Her team ended the regular season undefeated, winning every tournament and every match, hardly even losing a single set. We were all very excited for the State Tournament, but knew we would have to play very well to win. We had an amazing cheering section, as tons of family ended up making the drive to support this girl they all love so much. My heart was so full.

Some parents decorated the bus before the girls left

They go all-out here and the girls got new monogrammed blankets and pillow cases, as well as a goody bag full of treats

My mom was here to see her off

It was cold that day!

There were eight seniors! 

We had the largest cheering section of anyone! Man, family is awesome!

Jasmine is such a doll! She made these signs and she cheered so loudly for Hallee.

I told Nate he needed more enthusiasm:)

In the semi-finals we ended up playing the team that beat us for the state championship last year. Earlier in the season we beat them in a tournament and Hallee had played exceptionally well. She was ready to do so again. But right before the match, she was informed that she would be sitting out and another setter would be playing instead because the middle blocker felt she could hit better from the other setter. The truth is, this middle blocker felt all year that Hallee didn't set her enough. She had something called entitlement and selfishness issues. Unfortunately, the coach listened to her and played the other setter instead. Hallee only subbed in on the front row to hit. And unfortunately, we did not win the match. By the time the coach realized this wasn't working we were about to lose set four. Hallee served us back into the set, and we ended up winning 27-25, but a couple of bad calls at crucial times in game five left us losing. We lost to them again the next day as well. Again, the coach started the other setter the first set. We lost horribly. Hallee played from then on and our team did much better, but we were not at our best and lost in three sets. It was a disappointing conclusion to a great season. But I could not have been prouder of my daughter.

This pictures brings tears to my eyes. It reminds me of when I was in high school and my dad looked at me that way.

These two have been best friends though everything. Everyone needs one of those. Raegan Steiner is a great volleyball player. She is going on to play at Idaho State.

I have never seen a player behave with such poise, such dignity, such grace as Hallee did under such incredibly difficult circumstances. She did not pout, cry, throw a fit or spend time thinking about herself. She simply accepted the situation and did her very best every time she was in the match. It was an incredible thing to see! I have to admit, at one point I had to walk out of the gym and go into a restroom stall and say a prayer that I would feel peace and that I would have the grace and integrity I should have. It was not easy. I could not understand why the coach would cheat my daughter at such a critical time in the tournament. Hallee deserved better. The team deserved better.  Moments like this are not only defining for children but I'm learning they are for us as parents as well. It is not easy seeing our children hurt, cheated or mistreated! Holy smokes, the mama bears in us just want to rear up and make everything right. But you know what? Our kids can handle it. And honestly, in the end, it didn't even matter.

I think of what my sweet daughter has learned through all of the ups and downs of the past eight years of volleyball, and I would never take that away! Sometimes we wonder if sports are worth it. I have never added up the amount of money we've spent on Hallee's volleyball over the years, but I can tell you it's A LOT. Some may look at that and think we are crazy, especially knowing that now she is not even going to use her skills to get a college scholarship. We will not even get a return on all we have invested. Or will we? The truth is, we already have. I don't know any better way to teach her how to overcome major disappointment. How to cheer for others who are playing ahead of her, even when they don't deserve it. How to communicate respectfully and effectively with coaches or other superiors. How to be a true leader on and off a court. How to set effective goals. How to work really hard for something that matters to her. How to be a good winner. How to be a good loser. How to control the things she can control and leave the rest to God. How have a good attitude no matter what! I could go on and on. These are just a few of the lessons Hallee has learned from volleyball.

So, has it been worth it?

Absolutely!

And although I will miss watching this girl of mine play this sport we love so much, she is more than ready for new adventures and new learning opportunities. And I can't wait to see what they are!

Our Home in Billings

When we first moved to Billings, we landed in a quirky little place on LaBrea Street. The area was great; the home, not so much. But we were so grateful for it as we had the hardest time finding an affordable place to rent for such a large family that was in the school boundaries we were hoping for.

One month before moving to Billings Dan, Hallee, Nate and I went on a short rendezvous on the 4th of July weekend to check things out. Honestly, the Billings thing was just a mere idea, not something we were the least bit serious about yet, but something told us to go check it out anyway, so we did. We ended up staying in a dicey hotel called The Rodeway Inn because Dan got a free night's stay there, and when we first started checking Billings out, we were anything but impressed. It didn't help that we felt we might get jumped in the parking lot of the hotel by a lady who would not stop staring us down. The whole town gave us the creeps at first, and we sure didn't feel like moving here.

Thankfully, we kept driving and while we drove, we kept open minds. Before long, we found nicer neighborhoods and what looked like friendlier people. Ha! We checked out all three high schools in the area, but when we drove past Senior High, the kids immediately said, "This is our school!" Now, I'm not going to lie. It may have had something to do with the gorgeous turf football field that spread out before us, glittering in the sun. But more than that, it just felt right. We were only in Billings for about 24 hours, but I think we all left feeling like we would be returning, whether it's what we really hoped for or not. Little did any of us know we would be moving here just one month later.

When we got home from our short stint to Montana we did even more research about Senior High online. We knew it had the best volleyball and football records by far of the three high schools, and those things were very important to both Hallee and Nate since they both hoped to play in college. Also, as we talked with people at the church we attended while there, we heard it was just a place with a lot of diversity. Diversity, you say? Sign us up! We were ready for diversity.

Hence, our struggle to find a rental property. Since we were determined to stay in Senior High boundaries, we were not too picky about the home we landed. We knew it would be temporary, and we could live anywhere for a year (basement living had taught us that). I wish I had taken pictures of our home on LaBrea street. It definitely had some positive aspects to it, but we chuckled all time about some of its more interesting features, like the one and only shower, which happened to be the size of a telephone booth. It was in the unfinished basement in a bathroom that had no walls. If you happen to be a person you prefers privacy, this bathroom/shower is not ideal! The basement was too creepy for anyone to sleep in except Nate. Everyone else slept upstairs. The kitchen was tiny and had carpet for flooring. There was no garage, just a carport. I knew it would be in our best interest to find a home to buy before winter. Thankfully, we did just that!

My dream was to find an old home that had been remodeled. I absolutely love the character of old homes! We had a fairly small budget. We were determined to have a much smaller mortgage than we did in Utah; unfortunately, the market in Billings was not in our favor. Still, we forged ahead, set on finding something we could either remodel ourselves (scary) or that had been remodeled enough we could make it work. After looking at at least 30 homes or more, we ended up finding something on the high end of our budget in a neighborhood close to Dan's work and to an elementary school and the high school, and we jumped on it! We have now lived here nearly a year, and we love it. Dan can walk to work, Boston and Berkley walk to school and home, and well . . . ok, Halle and Nate do NOT walk to school, but they could! Ha! They have to travel a long distance to go to seminary before school so it doesn't really work out for them to walk, but it's great that the high school is so close, too.

Here are pictures of our home. These are pictures from when the house was being sold, not current pictures of us living here. It just looks so amazing in these pics that I wanted to share them! These guys literally moved out and staged the home. It looks a little more lived-in now that we are here. Ha! I will post current pictures soon, as I do love it with our stuff in it too. After all, it's home. And it's ours.

front of the house--isn't it so cute?!

front porch--love!!

dining room--the light fixtures in this house are amazing!

kitchen--so love!

another view of kitchen, dining room, into living room

main bedroom on main floor (now Hallee's room)

bathroom on main floor 

2nd bedroom on main floor--so funny because it's Nate's room now and definitely NOT a baby's room

laundry room--small but so cute!

bedroom upstairs--quaint, don't you think?

downstairs bathroom (a little nicer than the one in our rental home-ha!)

back patio--I absolutely love the hanging lights!

back of home

So, I just realized I forgot to show one of the living room. I will definitely show that one another time. I am in the middle of adding a small feature to the living room that I'm excited about, so I will update it soon. Anyway, I love our home. It's nothing fancy; it's not big (much smaller than our Utah home), but it's our safe haven. It's our refuge from the storms of life. It's our place to be together and to welcome friends and share experiences. It's where we argue, make messes, sometimes take the stresses of life out on each other. But it's also where we problem solve, where we pray, where we laugh, where we love. And so it's sacred to us. And if there's one thing I'm learning as I travel around this huge stage of Montana, it's that there truly is . . .

No place like home!

From Utah to Montana

Wow! Has it really been two whole years since I have documented our lives on this blog? I seriously can't believe it! All I can say is life marches on to a steady beat that seems to pound at a consistently faster pace as it continues on, stealing away precious moments of time, until you realize that somehow you have missed recording two whole years! It would be impossible to catch up, especially since I feel it has all been a bit of a blur, so instead I am going to start from this moment and move forward. Except that I feel a need to rewind just a bit and explain why, after spending nearly our entire 19 years of married life in Utah, we now find ourselves in Billings, Montana. . .


Once upon a time there was family. In this family there was a mom and dad who loved their children fiercely and wanted more than anything to help them know who they really were as children of God, to be truly happy, to become who they were meant to become. This family lived in a beautiful house in a wonderful neighborhood in Utah.

The children had good friends and went to good schools. They were part of a strong church group. Everything seemed quite fabulous. But the parents secretly worried. Were their children just going along with the crowd? Did they really appreciate the truths they had in their lives? Did they know for themselves these truths? Were they taking it all for granted? These parents didn't just worry for their children. They worried for themselves, too. Were they giving enough? Were they too being lulled into "carnal security"? Were they too comfortable? Something deep inside them kept whispering to their souls it was time for change. It was time to take a plunge into a completely different set of circumstances. It was time to stand out and stand up. It was time to stretch. It was time to leave Utah and all of the normalcy they were used to, where most people around them believed the same things and lived the same way, and set out for a place where very few lived and believed as they did. A job transfer option came open, and one month later, they were living in a quirky little rental home on Labrea Street in Billings, Montana. 

Life was about to change forever.

When they moved to Montana they had no idea what lay ahead of them. They knew life would be different, and they knew challenges lay ahead, but they could never imagine just how difficult some of those challenges would be and how some of their trials would tear at the very fabric of their lives and threaten to destroy the family they had worked so hard to build. At first, some of them were still mourning what they left behind. After all, it was not easy to leave good people, hard-earned sports positions, proximity to family and much, much more. It was a sacrifice for all of them, some more than others, and they knew it. So why did they do it? Because when they prayed about it, it felt right. That's the simple answer. And sometimes that's all there is to it. But they dove right into life in Billings and started to adjust to new schools, new friends, and a new way of life in many aspects. They were determined to thrive and determined to learn as much as they could from their new experiences.

Now, it would be impossible to recount the events of this family's entire past year living in Montana. Suffice it to say, they bought a cute little home on Wyoming Ave, settled in to new schools and then faced the most difficult year of their family's life. They suffered through painful months that humbled and sanctified them--personal, gut-wrenching, rip-your-heart-out months that knocked the wind right out of them. For a time, they felt they were losing one of their own. Yes, there were days they wondered if they had done the right thing. They questioned if these things would have happened if had they stayed in Utah. But just as quickly, they dismissed those thoughts. It was senseless to wonder about. They couldn't go back. They had to keep moving forward. They had to keep having faith. There was no alternative. And so they did the only thing they knew how to do--they prayed and prayed and prayed some more. This family poured their souls out to the Lord, searched for answers and help, took one day at a time, and clung to their faith. 

Things are better now, but if there's one thing this family is learning, it's that they have a lot left to learn! Also, that life is a journey to be taken one step at a time. Challenges still lie ahead. There will still be bumps in the road and sharp, unexpected turns that knock them off kilter a bit. But all of those trials are worth it because they strengthen them in vital ways and force them to reach out to each other and especially to the One who can and does offer relief, answers and life-saving help. This family's "happily ever after" has not yet been reached, but because of Him, the Savior of the world, there will be a happily ever after. It is possible. And in the meantime, they are so grateful to have each other, even if some days they don't act like it:). And no matter where they find themselves, whether in Utah or Montana, or anywhere else for that matter, they are learning that as long as they are together, they can get through anything!