A Little Piece of Heaven

There are few things that bring the feeling of heaven into a home--children sharing and looking out for one another, meaningful family prayers, expressions of sincere affection and appreciation--are a few. But from my experience, newborn babies top the list. With their arrival comes a distinct peace, love and fulfillment that is unsurpassed. I've never completely understood how it happens; I only know that miracles often come in very small packages, and our latest came two weeks ago, weighing less than five pounds. Here is our latest piece of heaven--Berkley Maya Fern Conger.

An Unforgettable Mother's Day Gift

I will never forget the anticipation I felt when my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child. I was elated; he was terrified. But it was an incredible moment. To know we were going to be parents, a mother and a father. It was unlike any feeling I had ever experienced. And when that child was born and we welcomed that beautiful baby girl into our home and our lives, I knew we would never be the same.


I was right. And so it was with each additional child. The thrill of the anticipation, the utter joy at the birth, the overwhelming peace and love at bringing each child home and caring for him/her--those are some of the best moments of my life. And now, as I watch each child grow and become their own individuals, it is so fulfilling.


This past year as my husband and I made a somewhat difficult decision to adopt a baby, I couldn't help but wonder what the experience would be like. There's such a natural bond between a mother and the growing child within her womb, I wondered how quickly or easily I would be able to bond with a child I had not personally carried for nine months. I was thrilled and elated at the prospects, however, and have looked forward to the day we would welcome this new child into our home with joyful anticipation.


After experiencing disappointment from one failed adoption, it was difficult to allow my heart to let go of fear and not hold back, and it was a struggle to allow my mind to even consider and hope for this to work out. It's taken a tremendous amount of faith, more than has ever been required before as we've prepared to add a child to our family. But knowing that the risk would definitely be worth the outcome, we plodded onward, putting our faith and trust in God that this adoption would in fact work out.


Last Thursday morning, May 5th, we received an unexpected text from the adoption agency. The birth mother was in labor and the baby would be born that day! We were not expecting the baby for nearly three more weeks, so to say we were surprised and excited would be an understatement. Less than 30 minutes later we were given the news that our baby girl was born, 4 lbs, 13 oz, 17 " long. Tiny, but beautiful.


I desperately wanted to shout for joy and thrill in the excitement of this anticipated event. But . . . I couldn't. Not yet. It would be at least 24 hours before we would know if the baby's mother would in fact sign the adoption papers and this baby would be ours. It was a long day and an even longer night. It was after 3:00 a.m. when I finally fell into a short and restless sleep. But eight hours later we received the news that the papers were signed and the baby would be ours! A thousand different emotions enveloped me: relief, joy, gratitude--especially gratitude.


Because this was a closed adoption we were not allowed to see the baby until the birth mom had left the hospital and the baby was more than two days old. I looked at this tiny bundle and could hardly believe she was ours! She was so beautiful! I felt an immediate love for her and desire to be the best mother to her I could possibly be. I held her in my arms and felt immense joy and humility and love. But I felt something else also that I didn't anticipate. I felt a deep love for her mother, who made a difficult and painful decision to give this child up to a family she knew could offer her baby a life she couldn't. I longed to know more about this courageous woman and I wanted desperately to thank her in person. But it was not to be. I could only express some feelings in a card and hope she somehow understood what an incredible gift she had given our family.


And so, this Mother's Day, not only am I profoundly grateful for the now five children God has so mercifully blessed me with, but I am grateful to another mother, an unsung hero, who on this Mother's Day, just three days after giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, said goodbye to her only a couple of days later, allowing me the opportunity of being a mother once again. Mothers, no matter who they are or where they come from, truly are the most remarkable people in all the world. I'm so honored to be one, and so honored to the one who so recently blessed our family this weekend.






It has been the most unforgettable Mother's Day gift I've ever received!

My Private Date

After receiving the news we planned to adopt, many people gave me the advice to use the time waiting for the baby to be born to really connect with the children I already have, to soak up the time spent with them and focus on them because adoptions and new babies take up so much time and energy. That sounded like great advice, so over the past two months I've gone on field trips with my nine-year-old, stolen my 11-year-old out of school for a special lunch date, dropped daily tasks to snuggle on the couch with my four-year-old and watch his favorite movie, and I took my six-year-old on a private date. Each experience was wonderful! There's absolutely nothing like spending one-on-one time with a child, and I loved every minute of it. The date with my sweet little daughter was a bit unforgettable. I was smiling clear to my toes as I visited with her. It was only one hour, but oh how much I learned--about her, her personality, her goals and her outlook on life. This is how part of our conversation went.

"So Regyn, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Long pause as she pondered the question. "A mother," she finally answered resolutely.

Loving this answer, I continued on, "A mother? That's a really great thing to be. What a fabulous choice!"

"Oh, and a vet," she interrupted.

"A vet? Do you know what a vet is?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah," she said as if to say, of course! "Like, if you have a sick dog or something, you take him to the vet and he makes him better."

"Right. I didn't know you were so interested in animals," I said.

"Oh yeah, I love animals, so I'm going to be a mother and a vet."

Then, realizing it might be hard to manage both occupations all the time, she quickly added, Well, I'm going to be a vet on Thursdays."

"On Thursdays?" I asked, trying to peer into her mind.

"Yes. Because I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible so I don't want to be a vet every day, but then sometimes I'll need a break from my kids, so that's why I'm going to be a vet on Thursdays."

What great thinking! She seemed to have it all figured out. Except for one thing.

"So, who's going to take care of your children on Thursdays while you work as a vet?" I asked, thinking I was sure to catch her in a dilemma. Not so.

"Hmm," she pondered momentarily, then came up with the perfect solution. "My husband!"

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. "So, let me get this straight. You are going to take care of your children every day except Thursdays, when you will work as a vet? Your husband will work every day but Thursdays, so he can watch the children while you work?"

"Right!"

"Just one more question," I said. "When will you spend time with your husband?"

At this point she must have realized I was trying to catch her off guard. We both smiled a knowing smile at each other and continued enjoying our fabulous ice cream cookie dessert. But as we sat there together and I thought about her answers, I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude over this child of mine. I watched her from across the table and tears came to my eyes as I realized once again how much I love her and how wonderfully unique and amazing she is. I forced my mind and heart to take a picture and never forget the moment, for it's all these little moments as a mother that add up to a wonderful life.

Just days later, I laughed once again at this precocious little child. She happens to be left-handed and very left-footed as well, we've noticed as she's played soccer this year and struggles to kick the ball with her right foot. She had a new little bag she was pretending to be a purse, and she asked me what shoulder I usually hang my purse from. I said, "I don't know, my right one?" to which she replied. "Not me. I use my left. I think it's because I'm left-shouldered."

I love it! I've never heard of someone being right- or left-shouldered, but I couldn't help but smile at her thinking process. I'm truly grateful for the ability to recognize these small moments that could easily pass as mundane and inconsequential. They make me smile from deep within and remind me that truly there is not a more wonderful job in the world than simply being a mother!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Driving home from Wyoming recently with only a sleeping four-year-old in the back seat, I turned off the radio and just enjoyed the peace and beauty of the drive. The sun was shining (kind of rare this year) and the snow-capped mountains caught my attention. They were beautiful. I thought to myself, I sure love peaceful drives and the amazing mountains that surround us. That's when my mind began reviewing all the things I love. And for the next few days I began paying attention to things that make me smile and bring me moments of joy and satisfaction. Here are a few of my favorite things:

-When my four-year-old wraps his arms around my neck and says, "I just love you so much." My favorite words from a child.

-When that same child says funny things, like, "What if my shirt was blue instead of red?" (How do you answer that question? Idk. "Then your shirt would be blue instead of red.")
OR when he's trying to prove himself right to his older sister so he asks my opinion. When I say, "I think it does this," and his sister says, "See?" to which he replies, "Think means it's a possibility, Regyn--not for sure." I love that kind of thinking!! It makes me smile all day.
OR when this same little boy asks, "Is it fast Sunday today?" and I answer, "No," he says, "So, it's slow Sunday?" How can you not smile?

-When my nine-year-old son tells me he'll race me home from a house down the street. He's on his bike and I'm running. Although running is totally something I shouldn't ever do due to major back problems, I shrug and think, what the heck as I set off on a dead sprint. I beat him home. This now super-competitive child tells me how amazingly fast I am and that I should be in the Olympics. Does it get better than that?

-When my six-year-old daughter gets a small package of cotton candy at the store and after tasting how good it is tells me she's going to save the rest to share with her older brother and sister after school. I remind her that a number of children walk home together and that she will have to share with lots of kids, to which she says she already knows that and she's happy to share one small pinchful with each child. I wish I was that unselfish. It warms my heart.

-When my 11-year-old asks me why anyone would want to interview me for the newspaper, to which I facetiously reply, "because I'm kind of awesome." Instead of rolling her eyes at me, she says, "Yeah, you are." There's nothing like the feeling your children think you are great--even if it is only momentary.

-When my husband comes home for lunch. Such a simple thing, but it reminds me that I am so happy he works so close to home and that he actually wants to see me in small spurts in the middle of the day. And that I want to see him. I get excited for lunch, even though we are only eating grilled cheese sandwiches. Spending time with my husband is definitely one of my favorite things.

-Family balloon volleyball in the living room
-Holding hands with my husband in church
-Watching one of my children do something hard and feel good about it
-Hearing "Thanks for dinner, Mom" on the rare occasion I fix it.
-Watching The Biggest Loser with my children and rooting for everyone on the show.
-Private dates with my children
-Seeing the sun shine
-Reading the Book of Mormon and knowing it is true all over again
-Hearing my children pray
-Laughing with my siblings and parents
-Watching my children grow up right before my eyes

I could go on and on . . .

Such simple things. So simple, in fact, that if I'm not paying attention, I could easily pass by the moment and miss out on everything that makes life worth living. Family.

Sitting at the ball park the other day on a freezing cold night, waiting for my son's baseball game to begin, I noticed a mother, baby on hip, playing soccer with a group of small children. It brought tears to my eyes. Mothers are so remarkable. Then I noticed a father pushing his two boys in swings for over a half hour. A half hour! That's a long time. I personally avoid swings at all costs because once you start pushing, your children never want you to stop. The boys were giggling and enjoying each push . When the father finally pulled his two small boys from the swing, one had wet his pants. I couldn't help but smile. It was a sure sign the small child had had so much fun, he couldn't contain it.

Everywhere I look and everywhere I go, I seem to find signs of all the things that make life so fulfilling and worthwhile, and they all begin and end with my family. From the family I come from and still love to pieces to the family I now have, my life is rich and full due to these relationships.

And so, even though life has its share of challenges and there are many unknowns ahead, I don't need to look far to find--not just a few--but many of my favorite things!

Breaking My Own Rules

When I was a little girl, I had a perfect plan for how my life would be. Everything lined up in perfect little rows in my head, and I was certain that even though there might be bumps in the road, all my dreams would evolve as planned. For example, I would have six children--three boys and three girls. At the latest, I would be finished having babies by the time I was 35. There would be two-year gaps between each child. A bit idealistic, I'll admit, but if you're going to dream, you might as well make it good. Today, my plan has changed a little bit. It goes something like this:

Don't plan. Simply enjoy today and follow the promptings of the spirit because the Lord's plan, although more difficult, is far more enriching and eternally rewarding.

My husband and I have been blessed with four great kids (even have two girls and two boys--sounds almost perfect). We love them to death. They are so amazing, and we feel so darn grateful for them. But here's the thing. About a year and a half ago we started to wonder if our family was complete. Prayer led us to deciding it wasn't. My health then led us to think it had to be. More prayer led us to considering something amazing but seemingly impossible. Adoption. Even more prayer led us to filling out papers and embarking on a journey that would forever change us. Already this path has been incredibly difficult. The thing about adoption is that the highs are really high and the lows are really low. Until you get to a point that when a high is offered, you hardly dare hope it will really happen. When it doesn't, you find out what low really is.

Two weeks ago we received a much-anticipated phone call. It was like nothing we ever expected. The adoption agency called and asked us if we would consider a sibling group--two girls, one 3 months old, the other 17 months old. We hardly knew what to think. TWO was not in our plans, and yet as we seriously considered it, we soon became thrilled. How could we be so blessed? We had only one night to make a decision, and the next morning we called the agency and said, "Yes." That's when we reviewed our week and realized we had one of the busiest weeks ever. It didn't matter. We would make it work. This was Tuesday morning. The mother was supposed to bring her babies to Utah Friday morning. We would meet with her that evening, and then as soon as she signed papers, the babies would be ours.

All week long, I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion, trying to get through all my responsibilities so we could be ready by the weekend. My mother came to offer help, thankfully, but it seemed there was really little she could do. All I kept thinking was, "I hope the birth mom gets on that plane." We signed papers late Thursday night and were comforted by the agency's reassurance that they had just spoken to the mother and she was planning to come the next morning.

She didn't come.

It may be unbelievable to think a person can love children she's never even seen, but I loved those little girls already. We were devastated. That's when we prayed even harder--for this birth mother, for the little girls, and for ourselves, that we could move on. Peace came, and with it an even stronger desire to welcome a child into our home.

We are now planning to adopt a baby girl the end of May. Am I terrified? Yes. Does it seem like two months is an eternity to wonder if this too will fall through? Yes. Am I scared to allow myself to even get excited and plan for this little girl? Yes. But, even stronger than my fears is my faith. And the truth is, it simply isn't in our hands. I can't make anything happen in and of myself. But thankfully, I don't have to trust in myself.

And so, I'm going to get excited for this baby. And I'm going to prepare for her to come, just like I have all my other babies. And I'm going to trust that everything will work out, because it sure beats thinking it won't.

I'm breaking all my previous rules. I will be 36 years old when this baby is born. This little girl will ruin my even-gendered family, making three girls and two boys. There will be a four-and-a-half year gap between this baby and my youngest child now. And one other thing I never saw in my "life plan" but am so excited about: this baby is half African American, half Hispanic. What a wonderful way to add diversity to our family!

I've thrown my perfect little plan out the window. And honestly, although this journey is tougher, I've never been happier. God has been so good to me personally and to our family. His plan for me has always had surprises and unexpected turns, but it has always led me right to where I want to be in the end.

Besides, I've always heard rules are made to be broken!:)

L-O-V-E

I've been thinking quite a bit about the concept of love lately, and I've decided love encompasses a whole lot more than I usually give it credit for. When I was a little girl and my mom told me she loved me, I knew that meant she was glad to be my mom, that she would clean up my scraped knee and bandage it, and that she would hold me and comfort me if I had a nightmare. 

Pretty simplistic. But important just the same.

Then I grew up and fell in love. Although the romance and excitement was just as wonderful as I expected it to be, I couldn't imagine what real love would do to my life, how it would sanctify me and fulfill me and strengthen me until I married my husband.

Now I am a mother with children I deeply love. And yes, that means I'm glad to be their mom. And yes, it means I wipe away their tears and bandage their owies. And yes, it means I'm always there in the night if they have a bad dream. But more than all that, it means I'm willing to give up fame, fortune (not that I'd have either of those things anyway), comfort, ease, and so much more to simply be their mom. It means putting up with tantrums, fighting, whining, teasing, name calling, mess making, and so on. It involves potty training, carpooling, teacher conferencing, soccer coaching, chore training; the list goes on and on. 

It's taxing, exhausting, overwhelming, frustrating, irritating, mind boggling, nerve racking, etc., etc.

But more important than all of that is this: it is love. 

It fills me with the most fulfilling, deep-in-the-core kind of love that changes my life forever because it changes me forever. I go to bed at night wondering how I'll ever get up in the morning and start the whole routine over again, but then my mind starts to review every exhausting aspect of my day, and I can't help but smile clear to my toes. That's when I realize that although I've never been so tired, I've also never been so happy.

A couple of days ago I left the house in a rush. I hollered goodbyes as I hurried out the door and got into the van. Just as I was shutting the door, I heard some little voices tell me to stop. I looked up to see my two youngest children waving at me from the porch in the garage. It was obvious they wanted me to come back. With an exasperated sigh, I exited the van and trudged back up the stairs in the garage so they could each give me a hug and kiss. My little four-year-old wrapped his arms around my neck and attempted to smother my cheek with a raspberry jam kiss. I immediately jerked back. After all, I had made great efforts to look good, and I was pretty sure a sticky, red face wouldn't help my appearance. But then I saw his excited grin as it lit up his whole face and I felt how much that little piece of wonderful loved me, and I couldn't help myself. I wrapped my arms just as tightly around him and allowed the sticky smooch. As I got back into the car I realized I hadn't been that happy all day long. I realized it was worth being a few minutes late. I realized how much I love raspberry jam kisses.

Two days later while subbing at the elementary school, I opened my lunch bag to find a note stuck there from my 11-year-old daughter, telling me she loved me and to have a great day. It meant so much, I found myself wiping away tears. And I realized how much her love means to me. I smiled as I thought of what a wonderful concept love notes are, and I decided to leave more of them.

On the phone later that day, my nine-year-old son called home to update me on his plans with his friends. As the conversation came to an end, he said, "Thanks, Mom. I sure love you." Words I've heard many times before, but what struck me this time was that I could hear his friends standing near in the background and knew they could hear his conversation. I forced my mind and heart to remember the moment, realizing (and hoping against it at the same time) that he's getting to the age where I may not hear those sincere words of gratitude and love from my son in that situation for very much longer. I wanted to be sure I appreciated them to the fullest at that moment in time.

My biggest fear as a mother is that I will go through all the motions of being a mom, my kids will grow up and move out, and I will realize I never appreciated each moment enough. The hard, frustrating, nitty-gritty moments and especially the sweet, delicious, fill my soul with inexpressible joy moments. 

What a waste that would be. What a waste to not appreciate the love in my life enough.

And so, I just want to say how grateful I am for love--every kind and every aspect of it. Especially the love that can only be found within the family unit. That is the love that really matters, that makes life meaningful, that endures forever. That is the love that gets me through every day and that makes me want to be so much better. That is the love that can never be replaced.

Oh, how blessed I am to know such love!

Read-A-Thon Turned Fight-A-Thon

There are few days in my life as a mother that I can really say I'm pretty much "The Bomb," but when such a day occurs, it's definitely something to write about. At least that's what I was thinking while I was busy patting myself on the back after sitting my children down on the couch and explaining to them my brilliant idea of holding a Read-A-Thon one dismal day during Christmas Break.

Yes, my children were losing their holiday jovialness (is that jovialness a word? I don't think so. But since it so perfectly describes what I'm trying to portray, I'm hoping you'll forgive it this time), the anticipation of Christmas having long faded, the joy of new treasures having lost their novelty already. And yes, I was losing my Holiday Smile as well, the incessant whining, tattling, begging and overall negativity affecting my usual upbeat, infectious aura (okay, so I might be exaggerating slightly, but since I'm the writer I deserve taking such liberties:). And yes, it seemed World War III was just around the corner unless a brilliant plan was put into effect--immediately.

That's when I got an idea from a neighbor to encourage my children to do some reading. I came up with an absolutely fabulous idea that would not only make up for all the days my children hadn't read during the holiday break BUT it would also keep them from fighting, too--two birds killed with one stone! I was amazing! I was clever! I was . . . naive.

It's not that my battle plan wasn't good; and it's not that I didn't allow for enough time to accomplish the said plan; it's not even that my children weren't more than mildly excited about the day's prospects; it's just that even good plans lose their effectiveness after a while, and I found that after two and a half hours of reading, my children had definitely forgotten we had a plan at all!

Here's how it went down.

1-Mother excitedly calls her children together to lay out amazingly brilliant plan and enraptures each child with her bright smile and infectious positivism (again, may not be a word. Work with me here).

2- Mother loads up children in van and off they go to the local library to explore the wonderful world of books and choose an unlimited number to spend the day reading.

3- Mother already runs into unexpected barrier when oldest child can't find the one book she is determined to read for the day and leaves library pouting and protesting the plan before it's even really began.

4- Mother thinks quickly, and determined to not be affected by this negative turn of events, happily explains that she is willing to drive to yet another library to pick up said item.

5- Mother drives to two different places to buy rewards for whomever decided to follow said plan. She leaves each store as if walking on air, sure she is bound to be up for Mother of the Year after she pulls off this amazing day.

6- Mother walks into living room to find children have set up "camp" in the one place in the house Mother wishes to remain clean. Each child has laboriously claimed every pillow, blanket, unused mattress and stuffed pet to accompany them during their reading times. Mother wants to shake her head and demand an immediate clean-up of the area. Her face turns red. She takes a deep breath. Then, unwilling yet to give into the urge to abandon her brilliant plan, simply smiles and verbally praises each child for their ingenious and dedicated effort to make themselves comfortable while reading. Mother sets the timer for 20 minutes.

7- Mother praises herself inwardly for how well The Plan is being executed. Even her four-year-old is reading a chapter book, skimming and turning each page right on cue with his older siblings who actually know how to read. Mother rewards all four children with a new coloring/activity book she purchased for only 25 cents each on an after-Christmas clearance. Mother is smiling clear to her toes. Not only are her children reading but she was able to bribe all four of them for only $1.

8- After an hour break, Mother calls children into their "places" once again for the second round of the Read-A-Thon. She sets the timer for 30 minutes this time and relaxes on the couch for some much-needed reading time herself. Mother has to remind children off and on to actually read their books. Mother again rewards all four children with a piece of candy--again bought for 25 cents each on an after-Christmas sale (never mind the candy was so hard the children wouldn't eat it). Mother's smile still reaches from ear to ear.

9- After another break, Mother and children settle in for Round Three--45 minutes of reading. After the tenth time of answering the question, "How much longer do we have to do this?" Mother's smile is fading a bit. The fun is slipping away as the whining begins to take over. Still, there's one more round to go, and Mother is determined to conquer. Four children get a reward that only two children deserve since Mother is not feeling up to a tantrum and is losing her confidence that she is a brilliant, strong, amazing mother.

10- After one final break that wasn't nearly long enough, Mother gathers children for the final round--60 straight minutes of reading (or at least pretending to). The four-year-old has abandoned his chapter book for play time at the neighbors, so there are only three children left to accomplish the daunting task.

That's when the nit-picking, teasing, taunting, pestering, fighting begins . . . and never stops. Never mind the best reward of the day is hanging over their heads (is it possible they think Mother will give it to them anyway since she faltered after Round III?)--a bottle of blue, liquid sugar that makes their eyes pop just thinking of it. Never mind that Mother never buys such drinks due to the fact that, well, they're about the worst thing you can buy your kids to drink. And never mind that Mother is quickly losing her perma-grim and is beginning to come unglued one piece at a time.

The Read-A-Thon officially turned into a Fight-A-Thon, and when the buzzer beeped signalling the end of Round IV, not only was Mother sure she was the stupidest, most ridiculous mother around, but she was also could care less about how many minutes her children read over the holidays.

So, the next time said Mother comes up with a brilliant plan that she's sure will win her accolades on every level . . .

She's handing it over to Father to carry it out!!




(The kids BEFORE the fights broke out. The four-year-old has jumped ship by this time. Yes, this is my living room/entrance way. Don't you think the plant adds a nice, homey effect to their cozy, individually designed reading coves?)