It seems like just yesterday she was a tiny little thing. Now she's taking honors courses and trying out for a 16 Power Club Volleyball team (and making it--yea!!).
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| Here she is with her two good volleyball friends. They all made the team. Such darling girls. |
She is becoming friends with her siblings, instead of fighting with them (something I am a huge fan of, let me tell you). She is becoming this person I can talk to and listen to and laugh with and truly enjoy. I love it! It's so fun watching her truly become. I know she is still very young and has a lot of becoming yet to do, but so far she has been so mature and so wise for her age and she has brought us so much joy.
It's definitely true that it all goes by in a blink. This girl has been growing up so fast. And she has been such a delightful, wonderful first child that I have thanked God for her every single day of my life. I decided a very long time ago that I would never want to be the first born. I mean, parents just have absolutely nothing figured out, and although they shower that first little child with love like crazy, which of course matters more than anything, they make so many mistakes. Hallee has been so patient with us (and will hopefully continue to be). It's just no secret I am crazy about this daughter of mine. She's got her flaws to be sure, but she's one fabulous girl in my book.
I think birthdays should be special every year, but I also try to not overdo it year after year because, well, I just think it's easy to overdo it and then kids tend to get over-spoiled and have way too high of expectations and then they don't really appreciate things, and then birthdays aren't fun or special any more (Okay, sorry for that little tangent on my feelings on birthdays). Anyway, we decided in our home to only have big birthdays and friend parties on extra special, big birthday numbers, which we termed to be 5, 8, 12 and 16. Therefore, this was not one of those years for Hallee. Still, I, of course wanted the day to be good for her and special, even if it wasn't a huge, monumental thing. So I tried to do some small things to let her know I was aware of her favorite things and loved her uniqueness. Instead of a birthday cake, I ordered peanut butter bars from a local bakery (her favorite); we put up the family "Happy Birthday" sign, opened presents, made a breakfast casserole at her request (which I stayed up late the night before to start and then she wasn't crazy about, darn it). Then her Grandma and Grandpa Conger took her to Salt Lake to stay at the Kimball and go shopping for the night. Talk about spoiled!
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| Darn, I am struggling with blurry pictures lately. |
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| The wonderful breakfast casserole that I personally loved. Too bad she didn't:) |
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| Love that Happy Birthday sign! |
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| Hugs after favorite gifts were given. I love this picture. |
I always wondered if having a teenager would be the death of me. I am learning that it definitely takes consistent, constant, with-it, involved parenting, and sometimes I wonder if I am really up to the task, but it's also a wonderfully rewarding and fun experience. I am just at the very beginning, so I have miles and miles to go in this journey (which seems completely overwhelming, I'm not going to lie), but so far, it's been pretty fabulous. Not perfect by any means, but I've never expected perfect.
The scariest part of having a beautiful, smart, talented (Ok, so I'm a little biased here:) teenage daughter is this four-letter-word: BOYS. I hate to admit it, but I just have secretly wished they would not appear in our lives at all until. . . like. . . after mission and a college. I know that's completely unreasonable, but I'm kind of serious. Somewhere deep inside, however, something told me they would be hard to avoid that long. Maybe it was all the people who keep telling me I had better lock my daughter up, or all the parents who've secretly told me their sons have crushes on Hallee, or maybe just common sense, but I knew that four-letter-word would appear sooner or later. I just hoped for later.
But nope. Sooner came all too soon.
This girl turned fourteen, and the next thing I know, I hear about a ninth grade boy who likes her. What??? And then I notice she is on her iPod much more often than usual. And then I see she is spending a little more time in the bathroom, working on her appearance in the mornings, and I start to add things up. I try not to panic. I take lots of deep breaths and do what any reasonable, put-together mother would do: I pretty much start freaking out inside! I do not want this!! I do not want a boy to start texting my daughter or liking her or anything like that. Not yet. And I definitely don't want her to start doing it back!
Regyn, my little 8-year-old informant (in other words, my nosy little snoop--love it!), tells me this boy snap-chats Hallee and tells her he likes her. The next thing I know Hallee is asking to have friends over Friday afternoon after school. This is highly unusual for her (she has very seldom asked to spend time with friends--just has never really needed a social life). The kicker is, a couple of the friends are boys--one of them being this ninth-grader! Yikes! I seriously feel my blood pressure sky rocket. I am so not prepared for this! I calmly tell her I will talk with her dad about it and get back with her. Then I go in my bedroom, shut the door and have my own private little panic session.
Dan and I discuss it later and we sound like a couple of idiots. We have no plan, no policy for this. This is a first for us, so we have no idea what our family rule is, and we feel like we have been blind-sided. Two weeks ago this girl could have cared less about a social life, and now this! What happened? It was eye-opening, I'll tell you. I learned you have to be ready long before these things actually occur because things can change in a big fat hurry. We gave her an answer, then talked it over more, decided we gave her the wrong answer, and changed our answer by morning. LOL! How is that for fabulous parenting? I think that's just how it goes when you are doing the best you can and trying hard to follow your heart and work together with your spouse to establish important precedents and guide your children along this all-important path that leads to eternal goals. It is not easy. Decisions are not made in an instant. They take careful consideration. And it's ok to think it over and change your mind. At least, that's what I learned from this little experience.
The best part about it all is that none of them could come! Whew! Dodged that little bullet.
But it has given me time to think about what is ahead. And to talk with Hallee about this stage of her life. And about boys. And her iPod. She has had that little device for two years and has been so responsible we have never even had to police it at all (our kids don't have cell phones yet--we've teased them about getting them when they turn 18, but seriously we've made it this long without them and it's been great, but the iPod Touch does have a texting feature if there is wifi). But now, we realize it is probably time to set up some rules and boundaries. We wanted to do it in the right way and under the right circumstances so she wouldn't feel she was in trouble or like she was all of a sudden totally restricted. This was tricky, to be sure. Believe me, I've spent a lot of time on my knees in prayer lately over this child. I think parenting requires that, especially during times of deep learning curves, like this one. I got up at 2:30 a.m. one morning this past week, and although completely exhausted by the next evening, it was so worth it. That time I spent pondering and praying and earnestly seeking answers from the One perfect Parent who loves my daughter even more than I do and can help me maneuver through these tricky situations with love and patience and grace, was more valuable than I can express. I'm so grateful to know we are not alone in this eternally important role of parenting, that there really is a parenting Expert, so to speak, that is ever ready and always willing to help us and give us inspiration on how to help our children and our families. I think I would feel totally helpless without that knowledge.
Anyway, I was reminded of a blog post I read a long time ago from the blog 71 Toes by Shawni Pothier where she shared a Technology Contract she had used with her children. I looked it up and found it, and it was a great place to start! I tweaked it a bit to fit our needs a little and then printed it off. Dan and I took Hallee out on a date last night for fried ice cream--so delicious--and then we drove up on the mountain side where we could look out over Kaysville and see all of the beautiful lights.
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| Here is Hallee and Dan enjoying the fried ice cream. |
With a prayer in my heart, I told our amazing daughter how very much we loved her. I told her how I thanked God for her every day of my life and how truly wonderful she was. Then I told her that because we loved her so much, we wanted to protect her and help her navigate through life as safely as possible. We read the contract together (here it is):
Dear Hallee,
You are the proud owner of
technology we never dreamed of having when we were your age. You are a good and
responsible child and we WANT you to have this. But as with many things in your
life, as your parents, we feel the need to present some rules and regulations
because we adore you. We have been around a little longer than you have. We
have seen the marvels of all this great technology and we are so grateful for
it! But we have also noticed a gradual decline of old-fashioned communication
that we feel is so very important for your spirit and your general development.
So we’d like to introduce you to some rules and regulations we are establishing
in our home.
Please read through the
following contract. Failure to comply with the following list will result in
termination of your technology freedom. We hope you understand it is our job to
raise well-rounded, healthy young individuals who can function in the world and
co-exist with technology, not be ruled by it. You may be mad at us for a while
about some of these things. You have enjoyed some great technological freedom,
which you have not abused and we are proud of you for that. But we feel the
need to train you (as we train ourselves) to not let technology take over in
our family or with your friends. We love you with all our hearts and look
forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the years to come.
1. Your iPod is given to you
with the understanding that you will act responsibly. If you choose to put a
password on this device, we will always know the password.
2. Do not ever ignore a
message from Mom or Dad. Not ever.
3. Pray and read your scriptures
before you turn on and check your iPod every morning.
4. You will hand your iPod
over to one of your parents promptly at ______________________ every night and
turn it on again before you leave for school. You may not text anyone late at
night.
5. Although it is ok to take
your iPod to school with you, realize it is mostly so we can get a hold of you
if we need you. Pay attention to your teachers. Work on assignments. Fill your
brain with knowledge. Have conversations with people you text in person. It is
a life skill. Do not text or turn it on in between classes unless you need to
text Mom or Dad.
6. If your device falls into
the toilet, smashes on the ground or vanishes into thin air, you are
responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Babysit, save birthday money,
clean houses, etc. It might happen, so be prepared.
7. Do not text or message
anything through this device you would not say in person, out loud or with your
friends’ parents in the room. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are
hurtful to others. Censor yourself. This is very important.
8. We reserve the right to be
the only ones to give you license to any new apps. Please let us know if you
want something new and why. We love to discuss these things with you, and we
mostly trust your judgment. We also reserve the right to delete an app if we
realize it is not in your best interest to have it. We love you and want what
is best for you.
9. No pornography. Use the Web
only to search information you would openly share with us. If you have a question
about anything, ask a person—preferably us—we know more than you think we doJ
10. Turn it off, silence it,
put it away in public—especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while
speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow your
device to change that.
11. Do not take seductive or
inappropriate pictures of yourself or anyone else. Remember first and foremost
that in our family we seek after goodness and want to shine our light to
others. Remember also that Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. Be
careful what you put there. It is hard to make anything of this magnitude
disappear—including a bad reputation and hurt feelings.
12. Leave your device home
sometimes and feel save and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension
of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear
of missing out).
13. In addition to the music
you love, download music that is new or classic or different form what all your
peers listen to. Your generation has access to music like never before in
history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
14. Keep your eyes up. See the
world happening around you. Take a walk. Talk to someone new. Wonder without
Googling.
15. After school, you are mine
for 15 minutes (at least). Tell me about your day before thinking about looking
at a screen.
16. Most importantly, remember your spirit is the most important
thing you have. Don’t let this privilege cramp your wonderful spirit. Don’t ever let your iPod or technology seep
into your relationship with your Heavenly Father. The noise of technology
is quick to make us all think looking at a screen is more important than
talking, especially to God.
17.
Remember: You will mess up. You will make mistakes. And we will
take away your device. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over
again. We are always learning. BUT, We
are on your team. We are in this together!
It is our hope you can agree
to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to iPods but
to life in general. You are growing up fast in an ever-changing world. It is
exciting and enticing. Trust your
powerful mind and giant heart above any machine!
WE LOVE YOU FOREVER.
Mom and Dad
We laughed and cried together. We reminded her of her worth as a daughter of God and to stay as pure and beautiful as she was right at that moment. We told her lots of boys would come in and out of her life over the years, to get to know them, to become friends with them, but to always keep in her heart the kind of man she really wanted to be her eternal mate and never to settle for anything less. Dan told her she would make mistakes as the years went by but that we would always be here for her. The air was thick with love and the spirit, and I just wanted to take her in my arms and squeeze her tightly forever.
I am sure there will be lots of bumps in the road as Hallee continues to grow up, but I can say the last 14 years have been a tremendous journey. I love this girl with all my heart, and I'm so glad she's mine.
