I'm Back

It's seriously so hard to believe we are already one month into school, and yet another part of me asks, has it really only been one month? Life went from zero to sixty in a blink. One week were still lazily enjoying our warm summer days, plunking through our daily routine at a comfortable pace, relaxing, laughing, resting at will, carefree to say the least.

And then August 26th came.

Now we wake early, jump from bed, rush around the house like crazy little ants, swallow our food without hardly chewing, bid and bargain for turns in the bathroom, grab our paraphernalia and leave the house, "I love you's" trailing as we run out the door. It's utterly exhausting. And we do it all by 8:15 a.m. And that's just a normal day. That doesn't count Mondays when Hallee has an early piano lesson, or Fridays when she has 6:30 a.m. volleyball practice, or the days she has early morning team breakfasts. All I know is the front door seems to revolve in and out like a wind storm for a while until it finally closes with finality when the last child runs out.

That's when I usually take a deep breath, look at my two-year-old (who has a backpack on and is headed out the door herself, determined to follow suit) and wish I could simply fall back into bed. But, of course that isn't possible. After all, I have a home to take care of and preschool to teach most days. And of course that crazy little two-year-old to be in charge of. And you know what? I'm so grateful for that. Grateful to have these family responsibilities because they make up the most important and vital parts of my life.

The truth is I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down at the computer today. It's been months since I've made it to this blog, which both delights me and saddens me. I'm delighted I've been to busy living my life to have the time to write about it, but I'm always sad when I don't take the time to record important tidbits either because so much has happened over the past couple of months, and I know there's no way I will ever get it recorded accurately now that it's not fresh in my mind (I am going to try to catch up a bit, however, over these next few weeks). Anyway, life is moving so fast, it's a blur, and that is why I knew I needed to stop and sit down and write something. Anything. Before it's been six months or even a year. And I can't remember all that I am experiencing with my kids right now, all that I am learning from them. Because I am sure learning a lot right now.

I remember when I found out I was expecting our first baby. I was so excited I thought I would burst. Nothing could discourage me because I had this amazing secret--I was expecting a baby. It was something I had dreamed of my whole life. Motherhood. It was finally going to happen. And I was going to be the best mother ever. My baby was going to be so lucky! I don't know whether to laugh or cry at my naivety, but I can tell you, it didn't take long at all for me to realize how much my sweet baby was going to teach me and how lucky I was to be her mother, rather than the other way around. It's been that way ever since.

My children have taught me more about life than I've learned in any other way. As ironic as that sounds, it's absolutely true. I've learned more about patience, love, forgiveness, kindness, service, selflessness and so much more from them. As I have worked to try to mold these amazing little spirits into the individuals I think God wants them to become, I have had to sanctify myself and change my own attitudes and behaviors, and in the process I am being molded as well. I have my children to thank for that. They are constantly showing me a better way to live and act and be. Now, of course they fight and whine and complain and all of the other less-than-admirable things I wish they wouldn't do. They are far from perfect children. But they are so full of goodness, and sometimes I think I don't tell them enough how much I love and appreciate that goodness.

Just recently, something happened in our home that illustrated this very well. Nate fractured his collar bone during the third football game of the season. It was a huge disappointment. Thankfully, the brake wasn't a serious one, but it still required he sit out the rest of the season. For someone like Nate, this news was hard to take. He was the quarterback of his team and a major contributor to their success, not to mention he just isn't happy when he isn't playing some sort of sport. But to his credit, he handled the situation very well. After all, there was really nothing he could do about it. He attended practices and games and cheered on his teammates from the sidelines. This went on for about two and a half weeks. Then he decided he was ready to play again; after all, his shoulder didn't hurt very bad anymore and he could do some push-ups. His self-diagnosis told him he was ready to finish the season. His parents wisely thought, not so fast.

We took him to a specialist and got new x-rays and found out that his collar bone had definitely not healed yet and that playing football would not be a good idea. This was devastating news to Nate. I think it was harder to take than the original injury because he was just certain he was going to be able to finish the season with his team. He was crushed. He spent some time in his bedroom. Then he took his skateboard and left the house for a while. Nothing Dan and I said could console him, and Dan was at the point of telling him he could play. It was hard seeing him go through this trial, knowing how much it meant to him to play football.

It was then a small miracle happened in our home. I was just getting into bed for the night when Nate came in my bedroom with a small note in his hand. It was from Hallee. He handed it to me, and it literally took my breath away. It was very simple, but I somehow knew it would have a profound affect on us both. Here's the note:

(Sorry it's sideways--I don't know why it is and I can't seem to change it)

This was on the back of the little note.

We sat down together and read the scriptures. Tears streamed down both of our faces as we read together. You see, those scriptures were the perfect words and counsel Nate needed to hear at that time. They both comforted him and gave him perspective. I was so grateful for my daughter that night. Neither Dan nor I could figure out what to do for our son, but his sister knew exactly what he needed, and she loved him enough to take a few minutes to help him. To me, it was an example of the miracle of family life, of having each other's backs. Sometimes Mom and Dad don't have all the answers, and it's so incredibly awesome when one of the children can step up and do something that makes a difference. I loved that she showed love and concern for her brother; I loved that she encouraged him to turn to the scriptures for comfort and answers so that he could see the application they have in his life; and I loved that he responded with gratitude and love right back.

This is what he left on her pillow the very next morning:

Now because these type of things don't happen in our home very often, I have to tell you, my heart was full to overflowing. I felt so much love for both of these children. Love and gratitude. And I thought to myself that although our lives are very busy and very hectic, I am profoundly thankful that the most important things are still happening, and I want to make sure I take the time to record them.

And so, I guess I am back. Back in the saddle. Back at bat. Back at it. Back at this computer, writing about our lives because it is all so significant to me. And I think one day, when my children are parents themselves, they will read all of this, and it will be significant to them as well. At least, that's my hope. And if not, well. . . that's okay, too because every time I write about my children and our lives, I realize once again how grateful I am for both!

Some Small Summer Snippets

Yikes! Has it really been an entire month since I last recorded anything on this blog? Apparently the part of me that wished to stay away from the computer all summer has been winning over the part of me that wanted to record everything. In any case, since I'm so far behind, I've decided to post some pictures of what our summer has been like so far in hopes that some day these pictures will spark memories, even though there are few words to describe our happenings.

Hallee went on Trek this year. Isn't she a beautiful pioneer woman? I was proud of her. Temperatures were over 100 degrees but she came home telling us what a good experience it was. Man alive, I missed her while she was gone!

When Regyn gets bored, watch out! One day she asked me if she could give Boston a makeover. I told her yes, and this is what she came up with. I laugh every time I see it. Those eyebrows just crack me up!

Regyn also came up with an idea to "sell" free water. I was desperate for her to find something to do so I agreed. The next thing I knew, she came in with money. Surprised, I questioned her, wondering how she got money if the water was free. "Oh," she said, "the water is free, but this money is from tips!" That is one clever girl, let me tell you!

Yet another "nose job" for me. Still trying to reconstruct my nose from the skin cancer I had a couple of years ago. I've decided plastic surgery is not for me!

Nate's baseball team won the state championship this year, finally beating a team that had beat them all year long. It was a sweet victory!

This group of boys is so darn cute! Great kids and really great coaches. I sure appreciate good coaches. They teach kids so much more than just how to play the game. It's what I love about sports.

My favorite Dawgs player. Man, I love this kid!

An afternoon at the Kaysville Splash Park. I love seeing my kids smile. It's medicine to my soul.

I especially love it when my children are enjoying life together. Nothing greater.

Hallee and Nate have woken up early two days a week to do SPARQ training, a Nike sports training geared to help them improve their speed, power, agility, reaction and quickness. These pictures are of the jump training they did one day. It's fun to see their progress.

Our wonderful upstairs neighbors, the Wardens, throw a big birthday party for their oldest son every summer. Last year they rented a dunking machine. This year it was this huge water slide. It was seriously as big as my house!

The kids sure had a blast playing on it, though. 

Hallee and Berkley just watched from the sidelines. I never dreamed my 13-year-old could be such great friends with my two-year-old, but they sure love each other. 

There's nothing my kids love more than to have cousins visit and sleep over. This is what our living room looks like when the cousins come. These kids came for swim lessons, and we loved having them!

Speaking of swim lessons, here is my little niece, Olivia, learning the back float. She was hilarious, begging to go back on the cement with her mother during her entire lesson each day. Then, she came out of the pool one day, after acting miserable the whole time, and said, "Did I have fun or what?" We will laugh about that for a while.

Speaking of Olivia, here is the makeover she received from Regyn. I love it!

One more picture of it, just because it's so . . . unique! LOL

At the Splash Park with cousins, Michael and Kaden

Berkley wasn't sure about the whole swimming thing.

Regyn and two of her best friends/cousins--Mylee and Mireya

We've had lots of fun with cousins this summer. I feel that is such a great blessing--cousins that are best friends, too.

Hallee played in an outdoor doubles tournament with one of her dear friends, Suzanne Katoa. It was definitely a change from indoor volleyball, but they had a great time, and they won second place in their division, which scored them $20 gift cards to WalMart. Can't beat that!

Don't they look intense? Wish I had better pictures, but I got too busy watching and forgot to snap some.

Here is a picture of Berkley riding her little motor scooter. She cracks me up on that thing! She looks so big!

Love that little smile.

Had to post this view because it's so funny to me what this girl wears--in her panties and boots. And she insisted on wearing that jacket, even though it was over 100 degrees outside.

Here is a picture of Nate after pulling weeds for a neighbor for three hours. It's hard to see all the dirt and grime on him from this picture, but I told him he would be glad to have a picture of him working to show his children some day.

Most people did something fun and relaxing for July 24th--not us! Dan was in charge and decided we were going to go to the track and have a little family fitness competition. Here they are seeing how many sit-ups they can do in one minute. Even Berkley got involved. I was the score keeper/timer/photographer since I have had too many sports injures to participate much. 

Dan, Hallee and Nate ran a 300 meter dash, but Regyn and Boston only ran 100 meters. They did great!

Here is the push-up competition. Hallee did NOT win this one:)

Lastly, they were going to run the mile. Only Dan made it the whole way. The other kids cheated a bit. I was still proud of them for their great attitudes and participation. It was a memorable 24th.

Summer life is definitely a change from the other nine months of the year when the kids are in school and schedules are a must. Summer holds it's own share of challenges, like how to keep 5 kids busy so I don't go crazy listening to them whine and complain about being bored and hungry all day long. Some days are wonderful; some are hardly bearable. But all in all, life is good and I am grateful every day for five kids that call me "Mother" and a husband who puts up with me.

Even on really hard days, I go to bed and ask myself this question, "Could life really be any better?" And the answer is always the same. . .

Nope!

Back to the Basics for Summer

I have found myself ignoring my blog every year when summer comes around. It's not that I have nothing to record; quite the opposite is true (I have tons to record!), which is why I feel such angst about not getting to the computer to write. I desperately want to note activities, events, moments and feelings about our lives during the summer; but, on the other hand, I also crave the freedom to do nothing but spend time with my kids, being a slave to no other responsibilities, people or objects, including the computer. I'm never quite sure how to handle this contradictory pull on my time and heart. If only my thoughts could automatically appear as words on a screen, without the effort to boot up the computer and type it all. . .

Anyway, I have spent the past month deep in thought about my role as a mother in my home. Truthfully, I've regularly fought feelings of discouragement and self-loathing about the kind of mother I have been the past few months. Two surgeries in six weeks time definitely took a toll on my energy level and ability to function at high rates, but even so, I have just felt that somehow my focus was not lazer-like in any sense of the word and that I was not giving my best to my family.

If there is one thing I have learned over the past 13 years, it's that it's nearly impossible for me to stay at the top of my game all the time; after all, I am human and full of all sorts of weaknesses. And then there is simply that thing we call "life" that throws curve balls and makes life more difficult at times. So, I try to use wisdom in assessing myself in regards to motherhood, taking everything into consideration, realizing that my best looks different at varying times, depending on life situations. Still, it never feels good to me when I am not connecting with my husband and children in meaningful ways, when I am simply going through the motions and not really focusing my energy on the meat of what matters. And so, I have decided to get back to the basics. To simply let everything else go and focus on the small, significant things like hugs, sincere praise, time with each one, listening with my eyes, ears and heart, expressing love over and over, expressing patience constantly, etc.

And I've blocked out all the sounds around me to simply be in the moment with Dan and my kids, and it has awakened me to a sense of what a joy it is to be a mother to my kids, a wife to my amazing husband; at what a blessed life I have; of what a huge, amazing responsibility lies on my shoulders to lead and nurture and love these kids of mine into becoming all the Lord intended them to be. It's been overwhelming, humbling and motivating all at once. I know it won't happen this week or this month or even this year, but it is the consistent, daily effort of a lifetime. And lately, that has seemed too short a time as I see my children growing up right before my eyes and I fear they will be gone before I've taught them everything that seems important, experienced everything with them my heart desires, and shared my love and admiration of them in enough times and ways to know they are certain of it and will never doubt or forget it. It is overwhelming to think of all that lies ahead and how quickly it will pass, so instead, I choose to love today and to live it the fullest way I know how.

Three weeks ago I found myself in the backseat of our car, driving home from an AAU West Coast Championship volleyball tournament with Hallee and Dan. I opted to sit in the back since my knee was throbbing from being cramped in the front seat. I closed my eyes in an effort to rest, but instead I found myself eavesdropping on the conversation taking place in front of me. It all started when Dan asked Hallee, "Do you know what HOV stands for?" I had to laugh to myself at this futile attempt to make conversation with our 13-year-old. Is that the best he could come up with, I sneered inside. But, as usual, Dan would prove me to be a fool, because Hallee actually took the bait, and thus ensued a fascinating, enlightening conversation between father and daughter, and I felt privileged to be listening in.

(Pictures of the tournament. Our team ended up 5th overall. It was such a great end to a very successful club season.)

Hallee's first attempts at accurately stating what the acronym means were quite hilarious, if only I could remember them all. I expected Dan to simply tell her the answer, but he is so much more patient than I am. He finally led her to figuring it out on her own, and then the conversation turned to other seemingly meaningless questions they tried to find the answers to. My favorite was when Hallee asked why certain things had to be so expensive. Her idea was that everything should cost $10. Dan pointed out the error in her thinking by asking, "What if you owned a car dealership? How would you stay in business if you sold cars for only $10?" I chuckled when Hallee's reply was, "Then you better sell candybars, too!" It's such a rare and priceless thing to enter the thought processes of children!

As I sat in the back seat and just listened--really listened--to my husband bond with our teenage daughter, my heart was full. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I realized for the bazillionth time how much I love these two amazing people in my life. Dan, with his wisdom and patience and utter goodness; and Hallee with her innocence and optimism and sweetness. I soaked it up for hours until we pulled into the driveway at home, and I made it to my room to fall on my knees and thank God for such priceless gifts in my life.

This led to the next week in Bear Lake at the Nate Family Reunion. I was in charge this year, a responsibility I am glad to say will not be mine again for five more years. My whole family got together at a cabin in Garden City and had a wonderful time. I never ceased to be amazed at the love the cousins have for each other. They are best friends, and it warms my heart completely. Then, to be with my siblings and their spouses and with my parents for a few days, away from all other responsibilities, was definitely a treat. The highlight for me, though, was gathering everyone around to read through some "Get to Know You Better" questionnaires I had asked everyone (5 years old and up) to answer and hand in before the reunion. I would read through the questions and answers and everyone would try to guess who it was. Although we are a close-knit family, we learned some valuable and fun information about each other, and it bonded us in valuable ways. My heart felt so full.

Boston climbing up the log pillars. This cabin was rustic and fun.

Kaybree, Martin and Mireya all ready to tie-dye their shirts.

We tie-dyed t-shirts. Had no idea what we were doing, but it was fun.

 I got this idea to take some picture frames up there and let people use them to take some fun pictures. They turned out great!

Regyn and Mylee

Kyson, Olivia, Mireya and Boston. Are these cute little cousins or what?

Michael, Hallee, Kaybree. Gotta love Michael's silly face!

Berkley really got into it.

My five kids. Man alive, I love these crazy kids!!

Dan and I tried it, too. Not as cute as the kids, but just let me say, I love this man!

Regyn doing handsprings into the pool.

Berkley did everything I did. It was so funny.

Nate, Hallee and Jasmine. 

These three 2-year-olds are only weeks apart in age. They are so adorable together!  (Brylee, Makyla and Berkley)

These two are especially good friends. 

Brylee was loving this, as you can see:)

These darling girls got all tuckered out (Mylee, Regyn, Kaybree and Kamille)

I even got these two girls being silly (Halle and Jasmine). Isn't the lake beautiful in the background?

These smiles are priceless!

We rented these bikes and had the best time! It was great exercise.

Makyla and Berkley on the front of the bikes. Berkley was all about that ice cream cone!

From there Hallee and Regyn and I traveled to Green River, Wyoming to coach and participate in a volleyball camp there. How I loved the time with my girls! Regyn is only eight, but she is spunky and competitive and all kinds of fun. I enjoyed watching her try to do the difficult skills we were teaching and trying to win the drills. Hallee actually helped coach the camp this year, and it was incredibly rewarding for me to see her pass on her volleyball knowledge and skills to younger girls. It seems like just a blink ago she was one of those little 8-year-olds, just learning to play.

After four days there, I was so homesick for our family to be all together again. I longed to hold all my children in my arms and tell them how much I love them. I longed to hug Dan and tell him how much I appreciate all he does for our family. I guess it's true that "distance makes the heart grow fonder." I must say I prefer to grow a fonder heart right at home, however, and realized again how much I appreciate being a mother who is home. I truly love home!

I wish I could remember each meaningful moment over the past few weeks, for there have been many. I wish I could recall every funny, clever thing my children have said, because there has been a lot. But darn it, they fade so easily and my mind loses words so quickly that I cannot write them now. All I know is that when I take a step back from all the demands of life to listen and see and feel all that is mine, I feel blessed beyond belief.

Now back to my agenda for the day: building a fort with my kids, watching Hallee participate in a volleyball camp, dropping Nate off at baseball practice, taking two sick kids to the doctor, going on a bike ride with Boston, Regyn and Berkley, exercising with Dan, listening to two of our children teach us an important gospel principle in Family Home Evening, snuggling in bed with my kids for a while to read a chapter  in our family read this summer, dropping into bed happy and grateful for the simple pleasures of family life.

Nothing fancy, but incredibly fulfilling. It's the life I always dreamed of, and I don't want to take it for granted. I may not always be the type of mother I think I should be, but I feel hopeful that if I can just do the basic, most important things every day--loving, laughing, listening, building, appreciating the moment--there will be fewer regrets. And that, to me, seems awfully good.